your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
