I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
