you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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