Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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