would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
