Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
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