At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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