just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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