Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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