Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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