Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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