I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
