you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
