Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
