You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
