what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
high people should be assigned attendants
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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