sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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