And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
It's Friday. Sex?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
