booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
My life is pants optional.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
