Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
