You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
