They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
