The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
