i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
