**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Randomize
