party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
