Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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