I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
it's great music for shaving your balls
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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