My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
