then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
