Got a toothbrush?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
