I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
