tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
