hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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