I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
