last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
