dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
