did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Randomize
