Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
