There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
