Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
