You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
