I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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