I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
