Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Randomize
