Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Terrible idea I love it
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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