i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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