I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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