two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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