I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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