The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
